In the shadows of the old hotel

The Mentone Springs Hotel burned down a few weeks ago. It is a place that I spent much of my childhood learning how to love. I wrote the following for my dad and mom as a way to remember the grand old hotel.

In the shadow of the old hotel

Julia Padgett

It’s an odd thing growing up in a rotting castle. Maybe it is the juxtaposition of being so young in such an old thing, or maybe it’s all of that space to ramble around and hide from the world. Whatever it is, there is no doubt that the Mentone Springs Hotel had an impact on me. Not the fascinating people I met or the childhood friends and my cousins I played hide-and-seek with. Not all the nature that surrounded it — Beauty Springs, DeSoto Falls, the brow. Not even all the oddities that I stumbled on that were abandoned by its previous owners. Absolutely all of those things changed my life and impacted me, but that is not what this is about. What I’m referring to here is something else —the space and place that was the old hotel.

I was not quite ten years old when I first crossed the threshold. My first memory of its inner being was the basement. That is where Norville Hall lived and eventually where my family stayed. There was little to no natural light — but the small amount that came through revealed two plastic sidelight windows next to the opening that led to the dungeon. We called it the dungeon— but it was a cellar that had a massive four foot wide wooden beam door. Between the eerie red lights and the bellowing sound of the dungeon door my imagination ran dark fairly quickly. The floors were slate black and the air was damp even on that late summer day. To say I was hesitant to enter would be to put it mildly and the goose bumps on my arms stood out as a testament to my fear.

But my parents and brother entered, so naturally I followed. It’s the plight of being the youngest (or maybe that’s a gift).

After that the old hotel and I began an understanding with each other. It had a captive audience of a ten year old girl and it cast a spell on in me. The sudden shadows, the creaks, the groans of old wood, the oddly placed doors and handrails, the angles, those fantastic turret rooms — all of them blended into a hodgepodge of fantasies. “What was that? Did you see that?” My skin would crawl with the unknown. Those abandoned rooms needed airing out. So that’s what we did. We lightened the load on the structure. We put a roof on. And painted and painted and painted again. And the place flowed with people—the curious passersby, friends, strangers, family. All those dark corners would ebb almost to nothing and the fireplace glowed doubt away.

But in the two years I lived in it with mom and Duncan, during the week it would go back to being a rotting castle. Some of the shadows would reclaim a room and fix their place in my mind again. A place I had previously walked with head held high would find me wide eyed and terrified all over again. My bravery wilted in the quiet of the Mentone Springs Hotel’s dusty halls and stairs. The building didn’t seem ready to change and no one else seemed to notice but me. Indeed, my dad would come up on the weekends straight from Atlanta and tackle this and tackle that. The flow of helping friends converged. Prez would make spaghetti and meatballs, Terri would pick guitar and sing, Sandy would lend one hand and drink with the other, dad directed traffic and made sure none of us were too idle for too long, mom laughed and talked, and everyone got covered in dirt. And that is the slow way to change a building.

And change it did—and we did with it. I stopped trying to escape to the outside so much. I even began staying upstairs and out of the dungeon. The windows seem to let more light in and the walls took on brighter and lighter colors. The rotten boards were replaced. Some of the groans subsided. The old lady began to feel herself again and remember who she was as more and more life poured through the doors. May we all be so lucky to let light in. Rest in peace MSH-I’m glad you found yourself before the end.

MLK day

Just pointing out how much I love the fact that MLK day has transitioned into a day of community activity and service. I mean, sure, everyone wants just a day off — but the impact of getting out and working for an organization or event that helps those in your community speaks more to the message that (perhaps) Martin Luther King Jr. would advocate. (I only say perhaps because I didn’t know the man. But have you heard anything he said? Read any of his speeches? Well, I think we can all make the leap that he would love the fact we celebrate his life by participating in his dream.)

Unfortunately I have to work. So please, if you can, get out there and pick up trash in front of your home (wear gloves) or take something useful to a shelter. Or go the extra mile and participate in an event and be part of a team. However big or small, it may have the potential to positively change a moment in someone’s life — or just make it look better when people walk by. And if you live in Atlanta, I can’t think of anything better than going to visit the King Center and get a glimpse of the past, present and hopeful future. Tell me all about it, because I have not been (yet).

Me? I’m taking a box of books to a book drop after work and have 2 bags of clothes to drop off. No, it’s not a lot, but it is what I’ve got planned for today. Hoping for more in the weeks to come. As I commented to a friend’s blog earlier, I need to redirect some of my energies to my dear hometown. There is a lot here that needs some healing.

Today’s stars

Lots of stars are excited today with the Academy Award nominations coming out. And stars are some of my favorite shapes (I have them hanging from my ceiling, in my windows and scattered about my abode). But that isn’t really what I’m talking about here.

Today’s stars are all about the little foil types that we would get in grade school when we did something right. I’ve carried that tradition into my adulthood. When I quit smoking over two years ago, I’d give myself a star every day that passed without a cigarette until months were full of stars. When I began running and exercising, I would put a star on the days I’d go over 30 minutes. So, in my year of no excuses, I’ve got decided to give myself a new goal every month. This month’s goal involves getting at least 3 stars in the work week for working out (running, working out with a video, getting on the NordicTrak, etc). Seems simple, I usually do more than that in a week. Except apparently not so much in the work week. I was great on weekends and would manage 2 (sometimes) 3 Monday through Friday— but trending stars is proving a bit more difficult.

And today I woke up with swollen glands and feeling cruddy. But, I’m pushing on. I did cancel plans with my friend Jennifer (because I don’t want to hold her back). However, I’m going to make myself —even for just 30 minutes — work out when I get home.

Wish me luck! Send me star vibes. Trust me, I won’t overdo it — but I’ll at least get it done.

2014 y’all

Clearly I got kittens. I only say that because my last post was that my catalogical clock was ticking and then you never heard from me again. Well, I got kittens. Two to be exact (Hushpuppy and Otis) and they have managed to suck the time and life right out of me. OK..OK. Alright already… I’m not going to sit here and blame my slackdom on two (not very) innocent creatures. No, they don’t like me to type. No, they don’t like me to sit quietly without them on me or biting me or cattacking me. But this is the year of NO EXCUSES in my world. So no excuses. The problem is me.

I’ve not written because I’m really happy and in a good place and even though I’ve been traveling and having blog worthy adventures — well, I’ve just not put it down on the screen and shared it beyond the cryptic impulses of Facebook. But today a long time friend of mine began blogging (for the first time I think) and it unhinged something in me. So here I am, saying way too late to you all “Happy New Year”.

Help me cling to the NO EXCUSES rule! I need some support. Oh! Maybe I’ll bore you all with kitty pictures soon!

My cat-ological clock is ticking

ImageSo, it’s high kitten season in the South right now and the pictures and videos that have been sent to me lately have me thinking that it may be time for another little furry beast in mine and Carter’s life. I spoke at length about this with CK (Carter Kitty) and though he seems a bit resistant now, I think I can wear him down. Unfortunately, showing him video of the close-eyed, smush faced kittens did nothing to sell it to him. I’m still working on the marketing of the idea. Perhaps if they come in salmon flavor? No, I can see problems there too. Anyway, if I’m thinking it AND writing it, trust me, that means something may be happening soon.

 

April is the cruelest month

Not really good people — April is lovely. In all actuality this has been one of the best so far. However, I am a bit peeved at the moment because I was trying to post some HTML code to this blog and for some reason WordPress has made that difficult now?? Sometimes change makes us look stiff and awkward — like now when I would like everyone to know that internet freedom is at stake and a bunch of other little things. But I can’t do it the simple way, so here— check out this: http://www.fixthecfaa.com/ and see what kind of crazy rules are brewing.

Change can also make you stiff by physically making you stiff. I have been more  active than ever and considering my age, I go to sleep at night as stiff as an old oak tree. Still, it’s a good outlet. Another personal change has been me giving up most of my cable options to save money—sadly I think Game of Thrones got lumped into things lost — but I appreciate the extra cash and really don’t need too much this time of year in the way of TV. Oh, and speaking of other change, if I’ve not talked about 750 words before — any of you who are creative types that used to do Morning Pages (a concept fleshed out in The Artist’s Way) should go to 750 words and start purging those mental cobwebs. It’s not a blog but just a space where  you can flush out or develop some thoughts  and it is secure and private. I use it and though you guys do not see me often here — please know that I’m writing more than I have in a decade and that is a good thing.

Other changes that I should mention are the Upton brothers doing right for the Braves (yes, baseball season is upon us and therefore “I’m busy” should read as code for “I’m watching the Braves”).

So please disregard the title. Turns out that April is doing just fine. Send me word and let me know how it is treating you.

3-1-13

Happy March everyone! It’s overcast and cold as the dickens, but that is OK because it’s March, it’s Friday and all of that must be good.

So far 2013 has been less the year of the snake and more of the year of work. I’ve been kept busy in the library. The normal bits, of course, APA help, research, book ordering, answering life’s mysteries — you know — being a librarian. But the things that have kept me hopping the most are my additional duties of being the “champion” of the online students and tutorial. (Side note: Have I told you that I literally do have the title of “Flex Champion” that indicates nothing about muscle, but really lets the ground students who take online classes know that I’m their go-to-gal. The title is hysterical and does warrant some raised eyebrows. I find myself letting the students know that I will not flex for them — no, not ever.) Those two roles rolled onto my main gig are keeping me off the streets (or the net) and busy.

Beyond work, what can I say? Life is beautiful. Like I said, it’s March, it’s Friday . . . what more do you want? This month I am in a writing challange that I am a bit nervous about (it’s about quantity and not quality though, so I have that going for me). I’m back to trying to run — should be fun to move as soon as I see the sun again. And, there is a small amount of me trying to learn the guitar. (Hope you all have the cliche of old dogs and new tricks going through your head. Music ability at my age is tough people!)Tonight may find me involved with puppets of the Edgar Allen Poe kind. Let’s hope that is some weird magic and not just awkward pauses.

Happy weekend and 2013 everyone!

All Saints’ Day

Today I put a gold star on my calendar and noticed that it was All Saints’ Day. Not being especially religious, I had to look up the significance of the day and discovered thanks to Wikipedia that today Western Christianity commemorates those that have attained beatific vision. Wow. Let me just say, I’m not there. However, the placing of the star on the calendar for me today has taken on something akin to communing between the individual and the universal. Today marks the 1 year anniversary of me quitting smoking.

This is a deeply personal day and entry in my life. First, I should just say to all of you non-smokers out there that you may want to suspend judgement or stop reading. I, more than you, do understand that smoking is by and large a self-inflected torture and slow suicide. So, if your impulse is to say “well you shouldn’t have been dumb enough to smoke in the first place” you are correct. Bravo. Good for you. Now shut it. Talk to me about addictions that you may have (chocolate, work, sex, cocaine, heroine, anger, exercise, coffee, TV, food, etc.) And if truly you have lived your life without a crutch or addiction, then I still ask you now to just be quiet. Because this isn’t about you.

This is about everyone else.

Addiction, especially in the case of tobacco, lives in the psyche and the body. On many levels, the psyche is the hardest place to scrub. The body will eventually forget. But the psyche will cling to the crutch and I wonder, even a year later, when it will stop seeking the soothing beast of nicotine. Just last night I had a dream that I was lighting More’s for a friend of mine (a friend that in reality doesn’t smoke). The guilt and shame of that act lingered even upon waking. Smoking is still that powerful.

So, today, a year out, I am celebrating the long road I have ahead of me of learning how to live without a crutch. And one way I’m going to do it is to provide a little bit of advice on how to quit for anyone out there that may stumble upon this post.

Quit everything at once. Go online and find what is usually called the elimination diet. It is a diet that was created mainly to find out what food allergies you may have. The goal of the diet is to eat 3 main foods (chicken, turkey, rice with a few acceptable greens) and that’s all you eat for about 3 to 4 weeks and then you slowly add food back in and see if you react to it. (I tried to find my doctor’s version of this, but all of the ones online allowed more than I could eat. Seriously, ground turkey, rice, baked chicken, water, lemon and spinach are the only foods I could eat.) I had to do this last year and decided to go ahead and make it a pure test and to quit smoking. I can’t emphasize this enough — quitting is tough. I tried it several times and several different ways. But quitting everything (even pepper!) is brutal. And so, I think that’s one way it worked for me. The nicotine demon was competing with a whole lot of other demons. The simple fact of the matter was that after 2 weeks of that lifestyle, the thing I wanted more than ANYTHING in my life was pepper and spice and flavor. Easy? Absolutely not. Effective? Well, I wouldn’t be writing this entry if it weren’t.

My other advice is to surround yourself with compassionate and supportive people. As hard as it was, I avoided my few friends that still smoked. I had to. And, when I did see them, I made it very very clear that not only was I not going to, but I wasn’t going to be around them smoking. Quitting all foods and flavors takes care of the physical addiction, but what really got me through the inner struggle was having 1 or 2 close friends that I could talk to and they would cheer me on. Yes, cheerleaders do help.

And that’s it. Will it work for everyone? Probably not; you have to really be ready to let go and that is something no diet or advocate can do for you. That’s all you. But, just so you know, as someone on the other side, I have replaced one deadly habit with being more active, smelling like the perfume I put on, having more money, walking up hills or stairs, not hiding, having no shame, feeling clean. Being happy. Most of all, being free.

Happy All Saints’ Day! Go out and quit something you should. Let me know if I can help.

Internet Defense League

Regardless of politic opinion, race, religious affiliation or anything else, we should all be able to agree to keep the Internet free, right?

Please see the Internet Defense League if you want more information or to be notified when people start trying to touch our stuff.

September rush

Well, well, well. What do they say about the best made plans? Right. So, about Mid-July, I was having a fairly good time of it while running and boom! Bursitis. Anyway, for those of you that have had it, you’ll understand that my imminent 5K plans were post-poned. However, I’m back in the saddle (or hitting the pavement) and am finding that balance of pushing myself and being realistically gentle. Eventually, mind and body will be in harmony. I look forward to that moment. I did sign up for another 5k that is at the end of September and this one promotes literacy — so really, that’s more my cup of tea anyway.

And, I’ve been insanely busy. Probably will continue to be insanely busy. However, I spent a gorgeous Labor Day weekend with friends. Some of these friends even reminded me that I need to be writing. So once again, here I am and at least trying to give you some words now.

If I were a good and true blogger, I’d relay the downward spiral that took hold of me when I was forced (after only just getting acquainted with my physical self) to be stagnant. Mentally, it was exhausting to try to tread those pitfalls.

Oh, and since everything is ultimately about words and what we do with them, I did go to the Decatur Book Fest this weekend and found a copy of Murakami’s book What I Talk About When I Talk About Running. I’m curious and looking forward to see how one of my favorite all time authors sees the mind body connection. Maybe I’ll learn something from it? Will keep you posted.

In the meantime, here’s hoping for cooler climes to do outdoor things. Whether it’s running, strolling, swimming, lounging on a hammock or just smelling the shift of season — enjoy it! Soon soon fall.