How to survive H1N1(or wrestling with piggy demons)

  1. Clean, soft, cotton sheets. You have no idea how long you will spend in bed. You think you do, but you don’t. Minutes, hours, days, weeks can pass. Be comfortable for it.
  2. Layers of warmth. Have a comforter, a blanket and several other sources of heat to pull off or add at will.
  3. Lots of pjs. What with the flop sweats, hacking cough and inability to shower due to gripping chills you will feel dirty.
  4. The internet and a laptop. I knew that the internet was a boon and then I got sick and it became a lifeline. All of the aforementioned time in bed is the obstacle. You can’t read effectively due to delirium. You can’t write. You can only prop yourself up and cling to babymac. It is your only hope.
  5. 30 Rock. Yes, you need all 3.5 seasons of 30 Rock. Alex Baldwin’s Jack telling you to never follow a hippie to a second location. Tracy Morgan’s endless rants that may indicate genius. The cute men that rotate through poor Liz Lemon’s love life (including a floppy haired Hamm). All of these things combine to become a poultice to your soul. Yes, 30 Rock heals.
  6. A wide range of hot teas. They will bore you otherwise.
  7. A vat of honey.
  8. Friends. Yes, the text messages, the emails, the somewhat convoluted (on my part I think) phone calls, especially the drop off of goods (thanks Darryl). These things keep you tied to reality and replenish.  They make you think you are not a pariah (even though you really are).
  9. Straws. No illness should be present without the ability to sip through a straw.
  10. Pirate’s Booty and Pepperidge Farm cookies. Indulge. You feel like you are on your deathbed, so you may as well not care about the waistline.
  11. A brother, or some relative that is tied to you through blood and therefore will not abandon you entirely. Granted mine did walk around with anti-bacterial wipes and not enter the same room as me. However, he also made sure I had food and drink and he picked up drugs for me. He would call to me through the door and ask if I was alive and needed anything from the store.
  12. Advil and Tylenol. Apparently you can take them alternately and not do too much damage.
  13. And last, you need to have walls a color that really makes you happy. Because honestly, the only thing you’ll take away from the whole experience is “damn, I love my walls”.

Stay healthy! Wash your hands! Don’t touch your face! Take your vitamins and load up on C! Drink water! Get the vaccine if you can! AGAIN, don’t touch your face!

15 responses to “How to survive H1N1(or wrestling with piggy demons)

  1. Having suffered from h1N1 myself, I can say these are great tips. I would also suggest eating a slice of Leviticus’ ‘I Told You So’ Aporkalypse Pie:

  2. Having extremely reliable experience and background in the H1N1 virus I will give you tips on how to survive. My first encounter with the flu was 7 years ago, it was my brother, we thought he was dead once we had received news from the doctor. Still being a supportive family, we decided to give him a chance and we locked him in my Dad’s pickup truck for 2 weeks. Everyday we brought him food and slipped it through the window crack and eventually he got better after sacrificing some weight and muscle but he is all better now. We did the same with my Mom but instead of car we locked her in her closet and fed her uncooked pizza because it has lots of Vitamin C. My Tips are as follows: Eat lots of Vitamin C, stay away from everyone, keep your eyes shut but don’t fall asleep, try to focus on getting better. If you follow these steps you should get well so as well if you follow the above steps.

  3. Nice post. Had two friends who had it with extremely different results. Final. Not kidding. In case you haven’t gotten it yet, here’s what we wrote about H1N1:

  4. Not touching your face is a big one. I get so angry with my family when they do this and don’t care. They say, “Oh, but your body can handle some germs.” How much is “some germs” before you get so sick you can’t leave your bed for a week? I almost feel like the flu is destined to hit our house this year. We’ve been lucky for several years and gotten off with just colds, but I don’t know much longer the luck will last.

  5. Glad you are feeling better. I keep forgetting to eat honey. I did take my Vitamins today. Face-touching = a hard habit to break.

  6. 30 Rock is great advice.
    I would suggest Lipton soup and “boat toasts”. Toasts cut from corner to corner and then from middle to middle. Little boats. With butter and maple syrup.
    I tell you it cures everything.

  7. My plan is to try and get the vaccine as soon as I qualify – I never thought that having asthma would turn out to be an advantage, but in this case, it puts me in the high risk group, so I’m expecting to get the shot this weekend. Failing that, I’m stocking up on Twining’s teabags, echinacea, fish oil, vitamin C, and Advil. Lots and lots of Advil…..

  8. I think the last paragraph of your post is the most useful and accurate of all the information you have provided.
    I came across this blog that talks about homeopaty in Swine flu epidemics:…y-in-epidemics/

  9. What, no books?

    Talked to the head of a national emergency clinic about swine flu. He said I probably already had it. 75 or more out of a 100 people will get it and not realize they have it. A couple will be really sick, and 1 in 1000s will die.

    Weird bug.

  10. Julia,

    Very few people could write about this in the wickedly funny way that you do. I was sick for a month, got better, and then got sick again, but much worse the second time. Was told by the first drop-in clinic doctor that it was swine flu. The second person I saw was a family doctor. His comment was that unless you’ve been tested it’s impossible to know whether or not it is swine flu, and that many people are being told they have/had swine flu without any verification. There is a lot of stuff going around that is pretty nasty. Plenty of sleep is important, which is where I blew it. I got better. Then I was busy running around with an intense and long job interview in another state, was not getting enough sleep, came off the plane, and two days later got much, much sicker.

  11. Oh, I just saw how confusing my post was regarding time. I was sick for two weeks, got better, and then became very sick again — sicker than the first time. Too bad you lack a kitty to comfort you with purrs. Baby Mac helps, I’m sure. Hope you feel much better soon!

  12. Hey thanks for the tips, I just joined the club!.
    Hopefully your advices will be useful even if
    at the moment this flu thing is more than tolerable,
    actually even blissed for keeping me in bed for a few days.My e-mail is still on draft but, if you stay sick we may phone or skype.That would be fun!.

    Get well soon!


  13. Wonderful post, I like your impressive blog, found you on FP.

    Please visit my interesting training blog.

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