supposed to

Today is June 5th. A significant day in US history, as it marks the anniversary of Robert Kennedy’s assassination. The Tienanmen Square protests ended violently 20 years ago yesterday. But I’m not really wanting to talk about the past. I’m more concerned with what I’m supposed to be doing today.

In about 8 hours, I’m supposed to be getting on a plane to Pisa via Gatwick. But I’m not.

The lure of spending time with Luigi and catching up with Lexie and having a drink with Frank, seeing Kelly as a happily married woman, having a real coffee, eating, reliving the parts of my Italian life, hearing the sounds I miss so much — all of it — can not get me on that plane.

My only reasoning is that I’m just too tired to feel that emotional pull. The thought of spending my first week off of work running, navigating everyone’s schedule, travelling — well, it’s exhausting to me. Sure, people think I’m crazy. I’ve thrown away money on 2 tickets, I’m not going to see those I love — maybe I am crazy. That’s the point. If I can’t even imagine relaxing in Italy, then I need to work on some things in my life.

So I’m keeping my vacation. I’m running to the hills. It’s soul searching time — and deep down, I know that’s exactly what I’m supposed to be doing.

My sincerest apologies to those I’ll not be seeing. I hope you understand.

One response to “supposed to

  1. You put taking care of yourself first. That shows amazing strength. I am so very proud of you.

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