My birthday wish

I’m not going into why I’m here or what got me here. This is a public space and as long as I’m alive, some of my stuff should only to be shared with a select few. Anyway, I woke today with a sudden realization or urge — I don’t know why I can’t separate the two — but this is both (so stay with me).

Lots of this I already know. That is to say, I don’t. Wait. Stop.

I’m just going to quote the email I sent Shelby this morning:

Anyway, I woke up happy and confused and frightened and all of that I’m embracing. I’m embracing this strange patchwork of a future. I’m embracing the gray and the unknown and fear and love and all of it. Because it is all life. That’s my birthday wish — to remember that even when I know, I don’t — that everything changes and to love the change.

And it may seem silly or obvious, but it’s the embracing of it that I’m going with. I should add too that it’s not just what I don’t know, it’s the things revealed, unearthed and stark white roots in my daily muck. I’m going to study every malformed or intricately constructed gift the days come to bring me.

A gardener once told me that a weed is anything you don’t want in your garden. Maybe I ignored the point for too long, which is that the gardener is the one deciding. So now I’m deciding.

2 responses to “My birthday wish

  1. Happy birthday, Jules. Let the right ones in your garden . . .

  2. I think the thing that hit me with your email and it goes with what I said the other day about missing new school supplies–newness–I love newness. And change surely brings something new. And as a former (latent?) gardener, I love weeding. It’s all good. Happy Birthday! may all your wishes come true.

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