I’m not going into why I’m here or what got me here. This is a public space and as long as I’m alive, some of my stuff should only to be shared with a select few. Anyway, I woke today with a sudden realization or urge — I don’t know why I can’t separate the two — but this is both (so stay with me).
Lots of this I already know. That is to say, I don’t. Wait. Stop.
I’m just going to quote the email I sent Shelby this morning:
Anyway, I woke up happy and confused and frightened and all of that I’m embracing. I’m embracing this strange patchwork of a future. I’m embracing the gray and the unknown and fear and love and all of it. Because it is all life. That’s my birthday wish — to remember that even when I know, I don’t — that everything changes and to love the change.
And it may seem silly or obvious, but it’s the embracing of it that I’m going with. I should add too that it’s not just what I don’t know, it’s the things revealed, unearthed and stark white roots in my daily muck. I’m going to study every malformed or intricately constructed gift the days come to bring me.
A gardener once told me that a weed is anything you don’t want in your garden. Maybe I ignored the point for too long, which is that the gardener is the one deciding. So now I’m deciding.