Lost in Transition

I'm working. And by working I mean I'm browsing through books that I am about to catalog and, oddly enough, starting with the poetry books first. That is just so you have some setting in your mind. For sound, it's quiet.

Yesterday was a day of melancholy — in part due to upcoming partings, scenes changing, wisteria gone, exhaustion and so many new faces. I was actually going to escape into the cavern of a cinema and let the flickering light of entertainment force it's way on me and my mood. But while walking there, I opted not to. I didn't feel well, I was restless. Transition.

So Angie and I gave in to the rainy weather and declared it a day of melancholy. Why fight it? We talked and I complained and listened to all of the small details that can turn a day into sadness and anger and then we did the only thing we could . . . watched Terms of Endearment on her laptop. And it helped. The scene where Shirley McClain is screaming for the nurses to get her daughter pain meds "she just has to make it to 10 and it's after 10!" I lost it. Weeping with the rain and the weather and the reality of it all, but weeping for Aurora.

And now I am here. No day of meloncholy. Maybe contemplation. At last a still moment after a long run down a hill. And of course I'm reading Eliot's Prufrock and I'm habitually amazed how much this poem changes for me with every reading and today I fastened upon . . .

But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:

Would it have been worth while

If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,

And turning toward the window, should say:

    "That is not it at all,

     That is not what I meant, at all"

 Tutto bene.

4 responses to “Lost in Transition

  1. So funny that has always been one of my most favorite lines of the poem. I don’t read poetry nearly enough. The quietness of your day makes me really want to go back to school and get an MLS. It’s noisy here and my nerves are rattled from cold medicine.

  2. The grand thing about your writilng is that you will never have to say: “That is not what I meant, at all” You are so lucid, clear, descriptive, profound and succinct; my heart soars with pride. Wordsmith daughter.

    It was sprinkling a light rain when Bruce Bon Fleuer, myself, Shala, Lowell Ray, Duncan and you walked out of the theatre in Chattanooga, Tenn after seeing “Terms of Endearment”. We stood on the sidewalk and spontaneously did a group hug and sobbed. It is a good memory from the “Mentone Daze”.

  3. Hmmm, I know for a fact I have only too often lost meaning in words that seem so clear to me. I have a host of miscommunicaton issues and not just with Italians. So often I have found myself with the constant refrain of “that is not what I meant, at all”.
    But you being my mother will no doubt only see the good.

  4. I think we all need to have days like that Jules! Ones that we can give in, let go and get it all out. They allow your soul recharge with you letting go of all the toxins that we taken in on a daily basis. Let me just say that I’ve taken in my share today! First day back from vacation is always a pain but today for me was almost a hospitalization type of pain in the arse! I don’t know whether to cry or laugh at the ridiculousness of the requests of my time. I need a “me” day but I’ve got a full weekend ahead.
    BTW, we had a wonderful time in Hawaii. I, on the other hand, do not have a great tan because we were so busy being on the go seeing all the sights. I’m exhausted! I’ll call you and fill you in!

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