I hesitate once more to reveal my life here. In this case it is because I think a few of you out there can't decide if I am lonely and depressed or if I am joyously partying like a freshman. The truth is neither and both. But really, I'm just in the moment of experience and learning — the two things I care about beyond writing that I have any control over.
Having said all of that . . .
Found myself at a bar again last night in spite of the prospect of an 8 AM library opening when I happened to observe the coaster my weissbeir (or was it a white russian) was resting. "Live or exist — you have the key" which of course was an ad for Beck's beer but struck me as an odd place to have such existential (pardon me) bits about. Their emphasis on living vs. existing. We all go there somewhere in our heads and yes, sometimes that happens when beer is present. But do we need to be reminded of that? And what exactly is the key? Is it some impulse within us? Conscious decision or unconscious desires? And can anyone really just exist. Even those in extreme poverty that are barely surviving (according to our well-fed world view) would probably object to the thought they were not living and just existing.
After some and more of that ran through my head in a split second a brilliant thing happened. A song played, the spikey haired bartender smiled, the gathering I was with laughed — and I embraced the moment.
But I didn't buy a Beck's.