Coming back, slowly

My soul feels like it has been removed with a dull butter knife. Loneliness has set in after the whirl-wind chaotic love of mom and dad’s visit. Again, with most things Florence, I was warned this would happen. You get to a point where you just start wanting a return to your old life. Comfortable, boring, well-worn old life — in my case a life of cats and home and green and not much else, but it was mine. And I could see almost anyone I wanted to in a matter of hours or minutes. So now I am there in my head, but so, so far away in body. And oddly enough, I felt this remove as my parents were headed back to Pisa. (shouldn’t I have savored the moment longer?) My dad said soon after I arrived here that absence opens up so much space in your heart. He is correct, but presence reminds you why you love in the first place.

So the dull ache of lonely. But the week brought other reunions. An old friend and his wife and laughter that only can occur under his spell. That was nice. And meeting new interesting people is better than most feelings. But still, I’m here. The people I love the most are far away and nothing really fixes that except overcoming space.

3 responses to “Coming back, slowly

  1. Hugs to you Julia… I completely understand what you’re feeling, went through something similar in London… but didn’t express it nearly as beautifully as you… I just got cranky!

    Have you read the Dark Materials series by Phillip Pullman??… what you’ve written above reminds me so strongly of when Lyra loses her deamon as she enters the land of the dead… (3rd book — Amber Spyglass if you haven’t read these!)

    Enjoy every moment… even those that aren’t sunny!

  2. Oh God. I remember the ache deep in my soul when I read that. Julia plase don’t feel that way. You are so loved and so lucky to be having this experience. It’s okay to have a down day but look around. Hear the bells and the whale song. And be meloncholy for a minute. But more importantly, plan for our sins. I will be there in a 25 days!

  3. Colette, of course I’ve read the Dark Materials trilogy (thanks to Dr. M). I love it, and that scene in particular just killed me. And yes, that is slightly the way I feel but w/o the physical intensity. Good advice and I will try to enjoy all the moments or at least learn from them!

    Shelby, the sin fest will occur in 24 days! That will certainly cure anything that ails me.

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