Darling Nikki

OK, I know yesterday’s wish was not a material thing, but as material things go the gift that I recieved has been something I’ve wanted for quite some time. Mom and dad had a little bird (thanks Lori!) tell them I have been wanting a better digital camera. What I was going to buy myself is something with a bit more finesse than my point and shoot handy camera. But I wouldn’t even look at the real digital — the lust and longing would be too much.

And so, as with all things Padgett, a pebble begins an avalanche. This time, it is definitely to my advantage. I’ll share the things I shoot.

Help me welcome and name my new Nikon D60. I’m thinking of calling it Darling Nikki. Any ideas?

My birthday wish

I’m not going into why I’m here or what got me here. This is a public space and as long as I’m alive, some of my stuff should only to be shared with a select few. Anyway, I woke today with a sudden realization or urge — I don’t know why I can’t separate the two — but this is both (so stay with me).

Lots of this I already know. That is to say, I don’t. Wait. Stop.

I’m just going to quote the email I sent Shelby this morning:

Anyway, I woke up happy and confused and frightened and all of that I’m embracing. I’m embracing this strange patchwork of a future. I’m embracing the gray and the unknown and fear and love and all of it. Because it is all life. That’s my birthday wish — to remember that even when I know, I don’t — that everything changes and to love the change.

And it may seem silly or obvious, but it’s the embracing of it that I’m going with. I should add too that it’s not just what I don’t know, it’s the things revealed, unearthed and stark white roots in my daily muck. I’m going to study every malformed or intricately constructed gift the days come to bring me.

A gardener once told me that a weed is anything you don’t want in your garden. Maybe I ignored the point for too long, which is that the gardener is the one deciding. So now I’m deciding.

Sugar time

So, I finally made it to one of Zoë’s birthday celebrations. I’ve missed everyone of them (with the exception of THE birth day). As a godmother, I really have regretted missing them. As a non-parent who just experienced squealing of girls high on sugar, well, I’m beginning to think I was wise in skipping a few. Actually, that’s not true. I keep lying. It was nice to be there and see her with her friends and not just be a voice on the phone that’s far away. A slight headache is worth the price of active admission in a wee one’s life.

So here are some pictures. It’s not David or historic, but it’s personal — and there can’t be more beauty in that.

Zoe’s 5th Birthday

A bit of Guthrie on MLK

I watched the pre-Inaugural bash last night and it had a few moments. I found it interesting that they ended with a Woody Guthrie song that we all know. Even more interesting was the inclusion of 3 verses that I normally do not hear. Makes this folk song stand up a bit more. Here are the lyrics with the  not-so-heard ones at the end. Happy MLK day!

This land is your land, this land is my land

From California to the New York Island

From the Redwood Forest to the Gulf Stream waters

This land was made for you and me.

As I went walking that ribbon of highway

I saw above me that endless skyway

I saw below me that golden valley

This land was made for you and me.

I roamed and I rambled and I followed my footsteps

To the sparkling sands of her diamond deserts

While all around me a voice was sounding

Saying this land was made for you and me.

When the sun came shining, and I was strolling

And the wheat fields waving and the dust clouds rolling

A voice was chanting, As the fog was lifting,

This land was made for you and me.

There was a big high wall there that tried to stop me;

Sign was painted, it said private property;

But on the back side it didn’t say nothing;

That side was made for you and me.

Nobody living can ever stop me,

As I go walking that freedom highway;

Nobody living can ever make me turn back

This land was made for you and me.

In the squares of the city, In the shadow of a steeple;

By the relief office, I’d seen my people.

As they stood there hungry, I stood there asking,

Is this land made for you and me?

 

 

 

 

WD Snodgrass RIP

Working on my Master’s in creative writing found me at odds with two forces, let’s just call them the mother and father of GSU’s poetry department. Bottoms clearly the mother: nurturing of the newbies, had good intuition, disorganized and taught from the heart and often from the cuff.  Stokesbury was the disciplinarian, often too honest, organized — not nurturing by a long shot, more demanding than anything. Both improved me and earned my deep respect. Bottoms introduced me to some great loves: Roethke, Bishop, Lowell and (of course) Dickie. Stokesbury led me to unexpected treasures, the main being Clampitt, but not far behind were  Snodgrass and Merwin.

Snodgrass, who died Tuesday of lung cancer, I will never forget. In my mind, he’s the author of an incredible line of poetry that oddly enough helped forge my future. (Maybe I’m being a bit melodramatic; drama used to be the bottle I would drink from often — I’ve since opted for other vices, like distraction.) Regardless, Stokesbury was famous for his brutal end of term exams. 60% of your grade depended on them. We had examined probably a hundred or so poems and a few dozen poets — not to mention our own — and Stokesbury (if memory serves me right) picked a line from 6 poems and you had to write complete essays on 3 of them and something brief about the other 3 (identify author, time, title, etc.).

And I saw the line “Freiheit” and I ran with it. Of course it was the Snodgrass’ poem about the Goebbels’ last days in Hitler Germany and their suicide and infanticide. It’s a stunning glimpse into reasoning.  Right? Oh no. My mind is wrong. “Freiheit” actually came from Amy Clampitt’s beautiful poem, “Beethovan, Opus 111″  about her father burning poison ivy that eventually killed him and the release of life.  Stokesbury could read a poem like no ones business and I remember almost breaking into a sweat when I heard him speak the word “freiheit”.

And yet, in spite of the impact, I continue (then and now) to associate it with Snodgrass. And so I ended up with a B in the class. People outside of the academic incest fest that is a creative writing workshop may think that’s no big deal. But to get a B in a Master’s level course — one that is your specialty — it really isn’t acceptable.  So I opted out of the MFA and wrapped up my MA (much to the dismay of Stokesbury) and left Atlanta. Obviously other reasons led to this, but “freiheit” is the one that sticks.

Fitting that the German word for freedom led me so far away.

So I’ve returned and watch another dawn break in Atlanta at my desk as the bespectacled librarian and I wonder about freedom and choices and the flow and reason. And Snodgrass is now gone.

How we all stumble.

Freiheit. Freiheit!

On the themes of change

First, you must understand the iGoogle page. This is a page anyone can set up as their start page that has translators, calenders, weather, news, and a host of other things. For example, my iGoogle page has a daily horoscope, OED and dictionary.com word of the day, weather, translator, NYTimes, Google map, how-to of the day and quotes of the day. I find I use my translator the most. The only thing I really do not like about having an iGoogle page is that occasionally Google has some funky art to create it’s name around holidays and special days and iGoogle DOES NOT reflect that. Odd. So I find myself clicking on the classic Google page just to make certain I’m not missing the birthday of a scientist or some holiday fun.  Over the holidays that had a toy maker making toys for several days, instead of the standard multi-colored Google — very warm and comforting. It’s too entertaining to miss for us office mice. However, the classic Google’s occasional fun pales in comparison with the iGoogle themes, some of which are done or inspired by artists.

So I’ve become a theme junkie. And finally I decided to just take choice out of the picture and make the “theme of a day” become my theme. Until now. Yesterday’s theme was this odd artistry of big-headed children and pulled back clouds and parchment tones on blue. I can’t even describe it. Anyway, I fell in love with the creativity and decided today to go and find the artist. The problem is that there are hundreds of themes, you have to comb through page after page. Luckily, around page 35 or so, I think I found her.

Carrie Chau is the artist and the theme is here. Please check her out. Some people that have commented on her theme that find her scary, but most of us see a rich imagination at play. And for those of you that don’t, I encourage you to set up an iGoogle account and find a theme that makes your day. Just don’t forget to check the Google classic view to see if it changes.

2009

May it truly be the year of change.

I had a fantastic New Year’s Eve and following weekend with old and new friends, champagne, some spa time and lots of food. With all of the company and activity, I got out of my normal rituals of bringing in the new year. One of my favorite things to do is to read Rob Brezsny’s horoscopes and projections. Mine was especially nice this year. Lots of good old-fashioned advice of being who you are. At the same time, I always read the projections for my friends and I must say, a lot of you have some good ones. You should check yours out when you have time. Any rituals you want to share, please do.

Other traditions that were ignored were eating black-eyed peas and greens, watching the sun set on the first day and walking a bit under trees. But a tradition I think I may make monthly rather than annual is having a body scrub. Shelby and I hauled ourselves out to JeJu and I had a body scrub that lasted for about 35 mins. There is no end to my dead skin. It’s a fantastic and literal way to start the year anew and I highly recommend it.

Happy New Year everyone! I’m really hoping for a turn around for the world: politically, economically, ideologically.